"Glory"

How many miles, O Wave,
   have you traveled
Just to rush mad against the shore
And die beneath my feet?

How many centuries, O Rock,
   have you stood by Lady Ocean
Unmoved by her heaving lulls
Just to serve me this morning as throne?

Your Painter knows better
   than to waste His strokes
On seas, shores, dusks and dawns
Patterns He flings across the deep
To rest on mere man's eyes and feet
Who can't even sing a grateful song
   of glory still discrowned
   of glory yet regained

Your Designer goes beyond extravagance
   as He hangs out accessories
Like meteors, rainbows, stars and storms
Wonders He sprinkles and slashes
To beckon the dog-tired tramp
Who has long since forgotten
   his glory still discrowned
   his glory yet regained

How much longer, O King of my heart,
   must the soul groan
Till the divine curtains are split
To reveal the face of Your lavishness?

Meanwhile, as You do with each new morning,
Whisper to me that ageless romance of
   a glory still discrowned
   a glory yet regained.

Conceived morning of April 11, 2004 at Damai Lagoon, Kuching. Edited on February 10, 2005 for flow.

A well to quench the thirst

"You won, but You've killed the man."

It came out wrong. If there's anything that ought to be killed, it's the man's hold on an arranged life. He's been trying to get this through. Nothing that you arrange is going to get you where you're heading with your heart. He's bidding you to toss the maps and navigate blindfolded. Would you trust? He's inviting you to drink from His eternal fount at the end of the road - dare you desire?

Be brave and keep thirsting. That's all you can do, really. You can't arrive if you're not even traveling.

"I See You"

I see you
   tears withheld
   hopes clenched
As you await the verdict of your trial
I see you as who you are
The day you escaped the world

Then you retreat to being someone else
   as soon as you have verdict in your favor
If only you knew that I see you--
Though you escaped the world--
How then would your soul be glad
   that its beauty at last is known

Yet I see you
So will I fight for you
Though it exhausts all that's in me to offer
   I will fight for you notwithstanding
Because the reward of you
   finally seeing yourself as I do
   would be far greater than the torture of
   a million deaths to claim it

Chase after your false lovers
   I will in time conquer them--
Because the groom has seen his bride
The day you escaped the world.

Dare you desire? (Reprise)

The journey is a hard one. And the harder it is the more convinced you are that it has to be traversed.

Received B's letter today talking about his share of battles with women. B is perhaps the only person you can really talk about women and feel helpless with. Maybe there is indeed fellowship in sufferance. Only this time around you're not so cocksure about the point of it all. Whether it really matters what you tell each other to hang on to. Whether you'll be spending your strength on others or caught pretending that there is strength in you at all the next time strength is called for.

The journey seems unending. It doesn't even seem to have begun. That's when George MacDonald has something to say to you. And as always, splendidly MacDonald.

Dare you desire?

You gather that He's not One who forgets about things you've long banished from your memories. But does it matter as much now what you did many years or a few days ago ever brought joy to His heart? Can't disappointments wear out His zeal like they are wearing out yours?

It's absurd that He could rejoice over things you wish never happened - things no sane person would ever do. But it's indisputable. He always has a special liking for such things. How strange...

There is much owning up to do if He chooses to tell you this much about His pleasures in the oft-forgotten past... Like a family lawyer reading out a rich man's will, He's telling you more than you dare to hear.

Prayers: a delayed observation

Remember your petition to the King:

"That I be made into a man deserving of an occasion to fight for her and spend all that can be offered of myself for her; but above all, that her deepermost desires be met not by any man's pursuit of her, however valiant or determined, but rather by coming into Your presence through Your Son and learning from Him of Your own desire to fulfill every longing of her heart as only You are able to do."

Though He could have given you no evidence of your petition being taken into serious consideration and tested you thus, He has left you with no good reason for doubts by revealing to you that the more important part of the petition - her coming into His presence - is already underway. He is granting your petition exactly as you prioritized it! So where is the grounds for expecting the reverse? What's more, where is the grounds for falsely believing that the request, phrased and intended in that manner, was a self-centered submission and therefore should not be attained? The Master's action has spoken thunderously to show otherwise.

Expect to have the rest of your request duly addressed towards the end. It cannot be that far ahead when the beginning has already begun.

Happy New Year

Another year has gone by. For some strange reason 2004 felt like only several days long. Maybe that's how many days last year you really felt alive.

But finally...

You've found that something you've been looking for. And it's not too much of a shock where you found it. The only marvel is that it could always be found there. Almost without exception.

His grace has brought His wayward son home.