Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Men are really from Mars

I'm going to let all you ladies in on an age-old secret about men. Are you ready?...

MEN DON'T CRY.

There. Shocking isn't it? To think that all this time you've been suspecting that men were just acting tough. All your life you've actually been indoctrinated by all these subtle lies about men having tear glands like you do. While women might be the epitome of God's creation, men were actually emotion-free creatures plucked off the red soils of Mars and domesticated on the blue planet just so that women could get the answer they deserve every time they ask men, "Do you love me?".

Now I don't want to hear this argument that men have a whole different set of emotional triggers that move them to tears than women do. I'm telling you we don't cry. We can't. And we were never shown how. Some tried but none ever succeeded. Men cannot relate on an emotional level at all. We don't even see the point.

Not convinced?

Thought you've seen a guy who cried at the end of a Clint Eastwood flick? Or a bloke stealthily wipe away a pool gathering at the corner of his eye when he's fixed a sandwich press?

You're so naive. We do that to maintain the illusion women have been keep up so well for themselves. It's funny to us that you think you have us all figured out. But if you do catch a man crying for real, please call our local support number and quote this guy's make and model along with a detailed description of his defects. He will be returned to factory within 48 hours and pounded back to the grounds as he deserves to be. We promise the next one will be better.

By the way, I think you know what's a standard men's answer to women's tireless question. Yes, you guessed it... "Define love."

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Wednesday, March 10, 2010

My way or the tollway?

I went to CityLink yesterday to pay a toll. The man who served me happened to wear a condescending attitude and would rather give a lecture on tollway jurisdiction than assist customers with relevant information and send them on their way.

The plot thickens when he was to be embarrassed later when his colleague next to him delivered exactly the thing he said earlier couldn't be done.

Now here's where the real twist happens and makes the story well worth telling. As I later thought I was being gracious to downplay his embarrassment by not making a scene or not asking for his name so that I could later address him in the letter of complain he would remember the rest of his sorry life, another thought hit me like a lightning bolt: I shouldn't have at least let the opportunity slip by to commend the lady who assisted me with what I needed to get done.

When we are inconvenienced we feel justified to complain, don't we? But how often do we let people know when they've actually done a good job? Not often enough.


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Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Says who #19

          DR. WILBUR LARCH
Goodnight, you princes of Maine, you
kings of New England.

(The Cider House Rules, 1999)

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Friday, March 05, 2010

"Pequeño Soldado" (Little Soldier)

Pequeño soldado, my true north,
You orient my world and set it forth;
Whenever my hope is gone,
I think of you and march on!


Pequeño soldado, my guiding light,
You taught me love and how to fight;
To me you know just what to say,
You never have too little to give away.


Pequeño soldado, my inspiration,
You're spoken of from nation to nation;
Who would've thought that a little boy
Could wield power so lightly from joy?


Pequeño soldado, you will be known
For freeing hearts when you have grown;
For now your skills you will refine
By practising them on freeing mine!



I've since realized that in Spanish most adjectives come after the nouns, so I've actually come across as saying "Soldier Little"... though there was in fact a "Stuart Little"! Ay ay ay... the joys of learning a foreign language.

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Thursday, March 04, 2010

A birthday letter

Just when I thought Maycol's last letter was awesome, I received another one from him today written in October, the month of his tenth birthday.

"I write you this time to tell you that I was so utterly happy to receive the present you sent me..."

And guess what he got from me for his birthday? A tee shirt and underwear! "They look very nice and I loved them."

I want to commend Compassion and the local church partners at Maycol's project for helping to select his birthday presents every year and they always credit the sponsor for their wonderful gift ideas. They really know how to bridge the gaps of geographical distance between sponsor and child and postal restrictions by encouraging the children to write to their sponsors and tell them what gifts they receive.

This isn't said often enough but the little things that Compassion does mean the whole world to both sponsor and child. Compassion, insisting on doing what they do all these years in Jesus' name, is the glue that securely seals the friendship between Maycol and I.

This time Maycol sent me "mucho cariño y un gran abrazo"... a lot of affection and a huge hug. Every time this boy hugs and kisses me with his words it's just as though I'm being hugged and kissed for real. Thank you, Compassion!


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