Sunday, August 21, 2005

A writing to B on bad dreams

Dear B,

I had bad dreams recently. Not necessarily nightmarish, but it's those rare dreams that disturb you and make you think a lot about what you're supposed to do with your life. I saw myself fervently defensing my faith in one dream I woke up feeling sad about how far that was from reality. In another dream I saw evil manifesting in the strangest of places it broke my heart immeasurably. And I woke up feeling sad once again for how far that, too, was from how I really am in reality.

I watched a good film recently called "The Gathering Storm" about Winston Churchill before WWII began. I'm not sure if that was an actual quote from him, but the actor playing Churchill said of his political ally at his funeral that "People often act heroically before they fully appreciate the dangers that lie ahead. [He] saw those dangers and was afraid of them. But he did what he did in spite of his fear. No man can be braver than that."

I wish at the end of my life something of that sort can be said of me. Maybe I won't ever be brave enough before my life ends in God's hands but I certainly am afraid of the decisions that I have to make. But it's at once strange and wonderful, and it is clearer to me now, how even the tiniest thing one does is tied in directly to one's allegiance to Christ. If that hasn't encouraged brave decisions, it certainly has laid bare the magnitude of our participation in the whole landscape of eternity, which in a divine round-about way encourages brave and right decisions.

Yes God is good.


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