What on earth happened?
You wrote her many letters over the past year or so. The absence of a response to those letters has led you to believe that she hasn't read any of them. How else could anyone explain the dead silence? Indifference is certainly not an option if she had read what you have to say. It's inconceivable to think that such a vigorous outpour of one's heart and soul, even anonymously, could not earn at the very least an expression of reciprocal feelings.
Maybe that's all you're hoping for. Something in return. Somehow that seemed to be the furthest you're willing to go for her. You're willing to love her as long as you won't have to risk losing anything in the process - even the prospect of losing her.
What happened, Adam?