Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Men are really from Mars

I'm going to let all you ladies in on an age-old secret about men. Are you ready?...


There. Shocking isn't it? To think that all this time you've been suspecting that men were just acting tough. All your life you've actually been indoctrinated by all these subtle lies about men having tear glands like you do. While women might be the epitome of God's creation, men were actually emotion-free creatures plucked off the red soils of Mars and domesticated on the blue planet just so that women could get the answer they deserve every time they ask men, "Do you love me?".

Now I don't want to hear this argument that men have a whole different set of emotional triggers that move them to tears than women do. I'm telling you we don't cry. We can't. And we were never shown how. Some tried but none ever succeeded. Men cannot relate on an emotional level at all. We don't even see the point.

Not convinced?

Thought you've seen a guy who cried at the end of a Clint Eastwood flick? Or a bloke stealthily wipe away a pool gathering at the corner of his eye when he's fixed a sandwich press?

You're so naive. We do that to maintain the illusion women have been keep up so well for themselves. It's funny to us that you think you have us all figured out. But if you do catch a man crying for real, please call our local support number and quote this guy's make and model along with a detailed description of his defects. He will be returned to factory within 48 hours and pounded back to the grounds as he deserves to be. We promise the next one will be better.

By the way, I think you know what's a standard men's answer to women's tireless question. Yes, you guessed it... "Define love."

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